Many people’s dreams and visions will have been brought to a premature end during the lockdown and pandemic. And many will wonder where God has been in that. Others will be grieving over lost jobs, opportunities and relationships. For those who have lost loved ones, the grief will be incalculable. For each of us, disappointments and hurts from the past have the potential of holding us back.

Samuel's response to Saul's failure

When reading the biblical story of Saul and Samuel, I was struck by something that deeply resonated with me: just how much Samuel grieved over Saul. He grieved so much that God had to speak to him, personally, saying: “How long will you grieve over Saul?” Now Saul had let God and Samuel down by failing to be obedient. Samuel, I believe, took this very much personally, possibly even as a rejection of himself.

In many ways, Samuel had mentored Saul. If we look back at the story, God had spoken to Samuel about Saul before he met him, telling him to anoint him as king. He had talked with him a good while, hosted him in his home, then anointed him. He had guided him, spiritually, and handed over the leadership of Israel to him, which, as leader and judge at the time, was a noble thing to do. And he continued to guide him, rebuking him when he got things wrong. He must have had such high hopes for him, which initially Saul seemed to fulfil.

But Saul was impetuous and headstrong. He listened to only part of what God said to him through Samuel. His sin was underestimating the need to be obedient, thinking he could adapt God’s word into what he thought would be a better way, taking the word as guidance only.

Seemingly wasted efforts

Have you ever been in that place where someone you have nurtured in the faith turns his or her back on God, straying from the path you think they should have followed? Many of us have. And it hurts. Perhaps, like Samuel, we had such high hopes for them. Perhaps we saw all their great potential go to waste.

Are we allowing past hurts, of whatever sort, to hold us back from moving on in our faith?

Now one thing that the Bible teaches is that it is never too late for anyone to turn back to God. Sadly Saul didn’t truly achieve this. But others, including his successor, David, show us how God accepts true repentance and forgives. If we are grieving the fact that someone we care for has turned their back on God, we must continue to pray for them.

Time to look forward?

But it is interesting that God no longer wants Samuel to grieve for Saul. After a period of mourning, it was time for him to move on. What about us? Are we allowing past hurts, of whatever sort, to hold us back from moving on in our faith? Is God telling us perhaps that it is time to look forward, to let go of our disappointment and hurt?

Difficult questions

In addition, Samuel’s grief is as much about God as it is about Saul. Putting myself in Samuel’s shoes, I imagine he was asking God why he had him anoint him king in the first place. Did Samuel hear God wrongly? Have you ever felt like you incorrectly heard God? That he told you to do something, and you did it, for it all just to go badly wrong? That has certainly been my experience recently. We felt led down a life-changing path which went badly and painfully wrong, although I’m not at liberty to share the details. As things ended, we were heartbroken.

We needed to mourn, to heal, to grieve. We needed to accept, somehow, that we may never understand why God seemed to have led us down such a painful route. But, as with Samuel, the time came for me to move on to what God had for me next. And part of the healing came in the moving on. I still don’t know why God took us down the path that he did, for it all to go so very badly wrong. But I find great comfort in realising that Samuel didn’t understand God’s purposes either.

The Bible teaches us here that there are sometimes no easy answers. Sometimes we get hurt and rejected, and all of our efforts can seem to be in vain.

But through it all, we can see that God is slowly working out his purposes. David was not yet old or mature enough to take over the kingship when Israel first asked for a king. And at the beginning, Saul had saved Israel from a number of threats.

Moving onwards

Just as in the parable of the growing seed that we read of in Mark (Mark 4:26-29), the seeds – the kingdom of God – grow up without the farmer really understanding how it all happens. The farmer just does his job: scattering the seed, then harvesting at the proper time. So it is for us. Sometimes we will understand everything. But more often than not, it is obedience that God calls for. Is it time to let go of the grief over lost dreams, of the hurt over plans and projects that came to nothing, of the disappointment, and the inability to understand, and simply be ready to listen to where God would have us go and what he would have us do next?

What we know for certain is that God is in all the pain with us. Just as Samuel grieved over Saul, so did God. My older NIV version says that the Lord was grieved that he had made Saul king over Israel. God shares our grief.

He is with us in our pain. He is not distant. But he also knows that we can’t dwell in our sorrow forever. How does he help Samuel move on? A significant part is that he speaks to him. Sometimes in our sadness it can be harder to hear from God; our hurt and disappointment can cloud our judgement and our ability to hear. But God wants to break through that, if we are open to listening to him. And he wants to give us a new, fresh vision.

Sometimes in our sadness it can be harder to hear from God; our hurt and disappointment can cloud our judgement and our ability to hear. But God wants to break through that, if we are open to listening to him. And he wants to give us a new, fresh vision.

In this life, we know that just because God directs us somewhere it doesn’t automatically mean it is going to be easy. David was soon to find that out, as he had to flee the wrath of Saul! And we know that David himself made mistakes. But for those with a humble, repentant heart, God will bring goodness even out of the mistakes we make.

So for those who are feeling hurt, betrayed, or disappointed by God or people, it is time to bring our griefs to God, listen to him, let them go, forgiving others and ourselves if that is what is needed, and be ready to move on. Don’t let the hurt and disappointment turn into anger and bitterness, which only hardens the heart, preventing healing and stunting growth.