“Forgive us what we have done wrong, as we too have forgiven those who have wronged us.” (Matt 6:12).

In preparing this ‘Thought’ for the week, I first considered the purpose of forgiveness, which is to bring about reconciliation. The first part of the above phrase is from us to God and is conditional upon the second part having happened between us and others. Immediately following the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus adds this rider: “For if you forgive others their offences, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will not forgive yours” (Matt 6:14).

At this point I did a lengthy Bible study in order to share with you the understanding Jesus’ followers would already have had concerning forgiveness. It was very significant and I’d recommend that everyone does such a study, but God then prompted me to share something else with you this week.

Many years ago I recall a discussion that I had with a church elder. We were talking about forgiveness but had a difference of opinion. My experiences had led me to believe that I should pro-actively forgive someone who wronged me, even if they weren’t admitting the offence or showing any remorse. Ted was of the opinion that he should wait to forgive until the wrongdoer asked for forgiveness.

I will now tell you what had led me to my opinion and let you decide for yourselves which is right.

A Tale of Two Brothers

There was a young man who had an older brother, whom he thought the world of and in many ways made his role model. Both got married and had families. There came a time when the older brother did a very hurtful wrong to the younger brother, something that had the potential to destroy the younger brother’s family and life. Though the older brother tried to hide this deed, the younger brother still discovered it. Now the younger brother faced a dilemma. On the one hand he was in a position to make known the wrong done, demand justice and damage the older brother’s family and life in return. On the other hand, he could forgive his brother.

That same day he phoned his older brother and had him travel across the country to meet up. Upon meeting he told his older brother all that he knew. The older brother denied everything at first and then, upon being faced with fact after fact, he tried to share the blame elsewhere. At this point he realised the precarious position he was in. He showed remorse, though it was evidently for having been found out, not for the wrongdoing. Despite this, the young man forgave him, right there and then, not waiting for any repentance! Then he comforted his older brother that he would tell no-one about the sad events.

Over the next years the young man struggled with the consequences of the wrongdoing, to hold his own family and life together, at times fighting back a bitterness when considering that his older brother had apparently got off scot-free. But he kept his promise and said nothing.

As I said, this all happened a long time ago. Both brothers are now old men. Praise God that given time, the wounds of the past have now largely healed. Both families are still together and keep in fairly regular touch with one another. And the brothers? I know that they get in touch with each other from time to time and help each other when needed. They also pray for one another and each other’s family.

Limitless Forgiveness?

God taught in Exodus 23:4-5: “If you see your enemy’s ox or donkey straying, you must return it to him. If you see the donkey which belongs to someone who hates you lying down helpless under its load, you are not to pass him by but to go and help him free it,” thus telling people to give their enemy opportunities of reconciliation wherever possible.

In Matthew 18:21-35, in reply to Peter’s question about the limitations of forgiveness, Jesus says that it should be limitless. But He then goes on to tell a parable of a king who was extravagantly merciful with one of his servants who owed him more than he could ever hope to repay, only to discover that the same servant then was stingily unmerciful to a colleague who owed him a meagre amount. In anger the king withdrew his mercy and threw the servant into jail until he could repay.

Jesus sums up by saying in v35: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat you, unless you each forgive your brother from your hearts.”

I believe the younger brother in the story above can pray to our Heavenly Father with more confidence: “Forgive me what I have done wrong, as I too have forgiven my brother who wronged me.”

Author: John Quinlan